Newsletter 09
Things happen and I process. Just thoughts, some vibes.
Welcome back :) This edition includes chasing after a pick pocket, reflecting on how nice it is that someone gives you their language with every word they speak, an introverts guide to gastronomy, and thoughts on summer revival as well as as some recommendations.
Chasing after Pick Pockets
On Thursday my phone got stolen. Living in Barcelona I have now crossed off another field of the Bingo sheet (Been robbed, dates a skater, eats Bocadillos all the time, goes on day trips to the Costa Brava and the list goes on.) My phone got stolen while I was working alone in the café. It was night and I was closing alone washing dishes and had my back to the entrance when I saw something in the back of my eye. Until I had registered that the guy took my phone, which was laying on the counter then ducked behind it and ran out, he was already down the road and my head took some seconds to react but then I started chasing after him. People on the street started pointing me towards him an I ran until I lost him at the crossing. Two men told me he was behind the big dumpsters so I went after him. Most Latinos I talked to so far said that I am brave because the guy could have had a knife and Americans called me crazy because he could have had a gun. So my fellow na(t)ive Europeans, would you have chased him too without thinking about anything else other than he’s just guy? And I am just girl, and I quickly realised there is not much to do confronting your pick pocket alone at night while being scared and being someone who quiets down when scared. So I just asked him to give me my phone and he told me he didn’t have it. I hadn’t seen him so I didn’t want to accuse the wrong guy but I was sure it was him at the same time. So I told him again, he said he didn’t have it, I said yes, he said no, I said yes, and then that was it. Turns out pick pockets are not that agreeable when you talk to them nicely, next time I will have to make a scene. And if you are reading this, please help someone out if they get something stolen, go with them behind the dumpster, chase them too, tell them to give the phone back.
Now I lost three years of photos and videos that documented my life. It feels horrible because the amount of time a week that I scroll through my camera roll and favourites folder is a lot. I guess that’s an end to melancholy and dwelling in the past. Take care of yourselves out there though!
“Tallat es Cortado”, an old man said and we laughed
I have been learning Spanish for eight months now. However, I am not learning a language in the romantic or practical ways, such as studying a language in your home country to travel to it one day or getting classes paid by your company to acquire new markets or having a partner that is originally from another country and teaches you the words they use most. I learn Spanish in the panic and anxious way, where there is no other way. In most daily situations, I am usually the only one who doesn’t understand the language or doesn’t know how to say something. I could go mute or I expose myself and accept embarrassment and akwardness. Especially, because people laugh at things I say and I don’t even know why. I feel excluded and, most of all, not like myself most of the time. I’m at the akward stages of knowing what’s going on but not being able to laugh at jokes. Sometimes I wish I could have more of a breather, I wish I could talk to my neighbours more nicely, or say something when there is room for interaction on the street and make little jokes here and there.
So how nice it is then, that people will share their language with you. How nice it when people will bridge the gap of interaction and will make you feel safe and help you understand what is going on and what is being said. So many people can tell I am confused and act in the same way, as if they do not hear my accent. But yesterday there was a group of six people all staring at me and being a bit rude while I confused the word “gin” and “ginger” and I was once more reminded that people don’t respond nicely to someone who doesn’t speak their language well. Then an old men walked into the café and ordered a “tallat” and I had no idea and I had to ask if he could repeat and I told him I don’t understand. And with no change of mood and a lot of warmth he said “tallat is cortado in catalan” and we laughed and all was good again. And how nice of him to share his language with me. How I am now a little closer to understanding all the many things. My roommate deserves my biggest gratitude. She has been patiently sitting with me in our daily conversations while I was stuttering verbs and asking for repetitions of phrases and repeating “I don’t understand.” She is now the person I am the most comfortable with speaking Spanish with (other than my boyfriend and my other roommate), because ultimately you only speak a language as well as you are comfortable. Other people’s judgement of my language skills is their wrongful conformation bias that I do not know how to say things. So now I learn not just a language, I learn who will go out of their way to make me feel comfortable. And I learn through strangers and through close relations that I collect these warm empaths for they are the only one that will let me talk and that I can listen to while they try that I can understand it too.
An introverts guide to gastronomy,
maybe just don’t and don’t wonder why you have bad dreams about it at night that you wake up from stressed and don’t wonder why you love it at the same time, because you don’t talk to a lot of people but while working you naturally get to talk to people all day without having to try but that also means you talk to people all day which is exhausting and wears you out. Don’t wonder that you come home and are locked into a frozen state because of that but then go back out because your tolerance of seeing people increases and you realise that it is not about people as such. There is a difference in interactions and those you call your friends. What you are looking for are meaningful, sweet interactions and those can’t happen everyday unless you make them happen and now they also sometimes happen where you work. So you will try really hard and realise that it doesn’t seem like a job that yields high personal success but see it for a principle of quality over quantity even in a working environment.
Summer trips and how intimacy sometimes feels like the sunburn that turns into tanned skin
Last week I went to Sant Pol de Mar with my boyfriend. It is a cute small town outside of Barcelona along the Costa Brava. Some people thought I was on holiday but my holiday destinations are now an hour by train - quite wonderful. We went to swim, layed on the beach, and strolled around town. It was a perfect day and it was exactly what the first days of summer feel like - richer and fuller because the sun claims more of them, with the scents of the ocean and trees tickling your noise as the summer breeze drifts lightlier.
In recent weeks my sense towards relationship has been sharpened and I think a flip switched a few weeks ago and I see them quite differently - more freely. It is a fact that you don’t have to be Highschool Quarterback and Head of the Cheerleaders but the spectrum goes on to Clementine and Joel. I couldn’t be in most relationships that I see because they all differ from each other but I see that they have already understood what took me quite long: Doing it fits you. And I learn that taking an entire day to be with your partner is part of that for me. I hate having to plan time and schedule to meet in between and I am also not chill and do not have a “we-see-each-other-when-we-see-each-other”-attitude. Not being stressed and being with someone creates an extremely intimate situation and I am stressed about something mostly all the time. Which goes to show, that he is learning me to destress and nothing excites me more about myself than knowing that I am becoming calmer about the worries I dwell on. In the beginning he said he wants us to be a team and I didn’t like the term cause it didn’t seem romantic but now I am starting to understand what a team is and how we are a great one - definitely above little leagues. I have been in meaningful relationships before but a first love and a more superficial one could not have prepared me for a third one. Now I accept that walls break down and stone erodes but, in all of that, debris and dust rubs into my eyes and the ground becomes dirty. I thought I wouldn’t have to clean the rubble of the walls I break down for someone else. I thought that maybe it would be like building houses in Sims but now I find that love cannot be described with metaphors that take place in a game. I have to admit that intimacy sometimes feels like a sunburn that turns into tanned skin. While you are in the sun it feels good but afterwards you are freaking out about what cannot be taken back. I usually know how much sun to take and whether a sunburn turns into tanned skin. I know that he is applying all the SPF 50 with thick layers. I know have sensitive, white skin that hasn’t seen a lot of sun yet but I’m getting less sunburns that peel my skin as I am getting used to living in Barcelona and its 300 days of sunshine a year.
Montserrat and being better than everyone because we didn’t take the gondola up the hill
A few days ago we went on another day trip to Montserrat, which is 1) really beautiful, big, shaped stones and 2) an ancient cloister. While most people take the railway tram or a gondola up the mountain to the cloister, we decided to hike. It was beautiful but it was also in 30 degree weather with barely any shade. It’s silly thinking about how I hated going hiking as a child and now it is becoming my choice. I also realise how little green and trees Barcelona offers and how I’m starting to feel like forests are an invention foreign to Iberian city planners. Escaping the city and being in nature made it all worth it until we arrived at Montserrat and looked like the only dehydrated, unshowered people next to fancily dressed tourists posing for pictures after walking from the train to the viewing point. But to be honest, I did feel better than the other tourists knowing that I made it up the hill by my own force, time and a lot of sweat. Next time, we will hike up even further and, for now, it’s another day spent well in nature and closer to the tan that I am working towards.
Recommendation 01 - Dye your eyebrows
There is not that much to say about it, but if you are looking for a quick glow up you should try dying your eyebrows. It gives your face so much definition and shapes it to the max. I’ve been passing this on to friends and everyone who has tried it loved it and looked good with and it’s cheap too.
Recommendation 02 - Sombrillas
My proudest recent buy is a Sombrilla that provides shade for two. It’s yellow and let’s me stay at the beach for two and I can always invite someone too. I don’t know who needs to know this but whether you’re a 50+ kids sunscreen kind of person or a tanning oil girly you will want to be in the shade for your own sake. It may not be stylish, although I like mine quite fine, but it will make you feel like you have outgrown the teen years of looking like seasons work counter-clockwise because we would wear jeans with holes in winter and boots in summer. I am closer to being an adult as I buy for the season and give in to what it needs and for summer that will be long beach days spent under my sombrilla and dips in the ocean.
Thank you for reading!
Hope you liked my somewhat more poetic writing and little bit shorter because I expose myself and there is only so much I want to share there. See you for the next one :)