Newsletter 11
The fall season upon us, I am back with cheerful notes
As much as summer is hot, steamy, and potent, fall seems to be the fire starter of unforeseen quality. I’m feeling refreshed to enter this new season. Maybe I am a little bit mad about summer as it has many qualities I attach to my most hated season - Winter. Just like winter is full of hibernation, summer is a cycle of siestas. I had to finally wake up. And although Green Day didn’t reflect on this by singing “Wake me up when September ends” I’m sure the song’s resonance confirms my feelings.
Overall this newsletter talks about new things I am embarking on and friendship. I’m happy to talk about it now because it’s been simmering in my brain for a long time and finally, it seems, the thoughts are done cooking.
(Also I was too lazy to reread this newsletter. Please excuse misspelling, grammar errors, or confusing sentences.)
Recommendation 1 - Text your friends “Good Morning”
There are two names in the industry of mindfulness, health science, and (mental) wellness that no ones is able to avoid: Jay Shetty and Andrew Huberman. Both good in advice, though-provoking, and a little bit over the top or regimented. They recently did a podcast episode together and in it Andrew Hubermann says:
“I really believe that if there was one thing we each and all could do to better our life, no matter how busy our social schedule or our at home environment, is to have 1 to 3 friends that, every single morning when you wake up, you text them and they text you back. Just a simple “Good Morning”. Why? Because it is the reliability. It is this notion of expectation being fulfilled. And this brings us back to safety and acceptance. No one is going to text us good morning if they don’t accept us o if they dismiss us. And the safety is in the predictability of the interaction.”
So, I decided to try and I must say it has been a game changer. I have been waking up and I am no longer checking my phone to see if someone texted me or there is something new but I am sending my friends a simple “Good morning” and sometimes a little more. It’s been so nourishing for my long-distance friendships and probably the best way to keep in contact. It is so simple that there is no pressure building from it and without the pressure to respond and knowing the action will repeat again tomorrow you stay in contact and up to date about whatever banality and grandiosity is going on in our lives. I would recommend you fondly to try this! It is once again where you realize that if you do prioritize your sleep, do sports regularly, eat healthy, journal and make meaningful that your life does become easier and better. I just think that these guidelines lack follow-up steps. What does it mean to have a good sleep? How should I do sports regularly? What does it mean to eat healthy? How do we become more happy? These are all complicated questions we can ask Andrew Huberman and Jay Shetty and a lot of other of those coaches. One of the most underrated answers are those that guide us to community and connectedness.
Find the podcast episode on Spotify or YouTube.
My first day - the culmination of a year
It’s been a long time since I started something new with sweaty palms and a nervously beating heart. It’s been a long time since I put myself into a situation where I felt this unqualified. But I guess the saying of “If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.” really is something to take to heart. All this to say, I started a new Master in a new language in a new subject. I have been accepted into the program a few months ago and since then pressured every Spanish-speaking friend to tell me if they thought I would be good enough yet. I feel like most people do not know this until they experience it themselves, but learning a language within a year is not a lot of time to get really good at it. The other part, I will be, for the first time and at last, be studying at an Arts school. Although politics and society is nice, there has been a quest for creativity within most things I do that I finally took the step. I submitted my portfolio ignoring the language requirement thinking that I would not be accepted at a Master’s level as Bachelor-educated Graphic Designer, Illustrators and Artists would apply aside me. After the first day I can say that I am grateful I got in and I am so happy I signed-up for it knowing that I am closer to where I want to go and that I have faced my fear of speaking the new language and starting a new subject.
Because this first day was so extremely nerve-wracking and anxiety-infused I decided to write about it. As I am currently reading Sally Rooney’s new novel “Intermezzo”, here is a duped narration of my first day at my new university in the style of Sally Rooney:
A long corridor with waiting students. First days full of nervousness and stand-offishness. The quiet soaked up the feelings more than the attempts to hide it. Anxious eyes flickering through the crowd that began to fill in front of the entrance door. Phone in hand. Answering texts that would have otherwise been left on read out of preoccupation with the eccentric life a twenty-something art student is conveying to those that hover over Excel sheets and agendas full of business meetings. The difference being that all of them spoke the same language and did not fear what they would say but the new chapter of their lives. Maybe to some this day was even insignificant. But to me it was an all-around challenge. Already a little anxious in new social settings. Already exhausted from working the same day in the foreign language that makes me feels so insecure. Everything foreign to me while I was the most foreign to everyone else.
The guy next to me was clearly gay which calmed me down. Gays have never made me fear anything. He had a sympathetic attitude. Lips puckered. Fan waving around air that would reach his face but wouldn’t even lift a single curl from his afro. As I was thinking whether to go on my phone for distraction or to sit it out like I thought would be more mature, the guy closest to the entrance opened the door and slowly each student after the other would stream through. Where to sit and how to avoid speaking, I thought choosing a seat that had no one around, far on the side and in the middle of rows. My strategy was agreed upon in thought: I don’t have to talk, but I can listen. After only spending a year learning a language, the exposure to situations where the expectation is fluency continues to fuel all inferiority complexes that I carry in me. The lack of words for self-expression become a feeling of inadequacy that destroys her who is trying to build confidence. Although that is why I do it - confidence, trust, ambition. The idea that in one year I could be graduating from two Masters in two languages. Overqualification to overcome what? Lack of confidence. The fear of the unknown. The idea of the misguided workplace. A boring life that is dictated by superficial meetings and emails. Superficiality that becomes me, although my Spanish is at this point still superficial.
A girl with black cat-wing eyeliner, red lips and oversized jeans-shorts sits next to me and started saying something inaudible. It was my inability, I thought at first. I thought I would be better and everyone reassured me. But the nervousness. I let it get to me. Until I realized she wasn’t even speaking in Spanish. “Sorry did you say this in Catalan?”, my face full of apologetic expression. “Yes.” “I’m only still learning Spanish.” She changed to Spanish and she told me how good mine was. We talk. Easy conversation and I get to learn that I will be able to do this. After the Welcome session there are more conversations. All of which I master with only minuscule hick-ups. I talk to people and to my relief people talk to me. I listen to what my coordinator says and I am following his train of thought. We walk around the building. More information after two hours of information has already been presented to us. Exhausted legs from working in the café before coming here. Exhausted mind from talking to customers all day. Listening on. How nice exhaustion can feel when it comes from achievement. How horrible exhaustion feels when it is from rejection.
The Master coordinator gives a little speech and closes with questions to the group: “Where are you actually all from?” Only people from Barcelona. Then only Latinos. Then me. People’s faces registering my shyly spoken “Alemania.” When we walk out the school overwhelming interest and encouragement. “How long have you been here?” “A year.” “What have you been doing here?” “Another Master. Work” How did you learn Spanish?” “Here. It’s only been a year.” “You speak really well.” “Thank you. How long have you been living here?” So it finally sets in. I am able to speak Spanish. I make conversation. I make jokes. Other people laugh. Still nervous. Still with sweaty palms and a beating heart I am able to accomplish my fears that should have been so much smaller. My fears that have been built up since they accepted me for my portfolio. Getting mad that I was so scared. Why be ruled by fear when I am curious at heart? Deciding to no longer allow this amount of fear. Accepting, for the first time in a year, that I can actually speak a third language that I can speak Spanish. Accepting that I can do this. Accepting the challenge. Excitement. Standing around these new people and finally standing in an art school. Between small talk and overheard conversation, I am getting excited.
Proximity friends
While I may not have travelled, I have had a few visitors throughout the year and those have been a highlight. I understand that most friendships and friendship in its construction relies on and always will be based on proximity. However, that also means that if you were once close and good friends you will likely be good friends again when you are close again. This has been the case for my friends who came to see me. And most of all, it was my happiness from people not expecting a lot of me just quality time and hanging around. Being with each other but also doing our thing. It makes me want to live in a house with all my friends always. I think even until half a year ago I was more suspicious and more guarded towards myself, until a good friend of mine came to visit in May and now another a few weeks ago. It is amazing how we can share so deeply, and become completely involved in each others life again in a matter of days. With no blocking the other, no hiding our emotions. I love to see that my friends and I have become open and vulnerable and caring.
It is now a new goal of mine to create regular proximity. Too often have I moved and changed to expect consistency and continuous proximity. However, creating regular proximity through visits and messages and acts that do no expect reciprocity. It also has made me more aware of the closed-off people that have been in proximity but unable to share and feel openly. People that will ignore you reaching out and where engagement is one-sided.
For a long-time I have been contemplating the fate of long-distance friendships and friendships that seem to be no more. I noticed many of us struggling with some friend or multiple friends. And this is my conclusion: Regular proximity is the easiest form of friendship and easily to create, especially in creative ways. If you are asking for this level of friendship it is a 100% fulfillable. Whoever cannot keep up doing that for you, might have become an acquaintance, however, only if you have been creating moments for regular proximity before and repeatedly that were left ignored some friends may have become acquaintances. And equally I would like to pass on the advice that “If it was right, they wouldn’t make you wonder”. However, this goes to say with a second conclusion: Many times we haven’t been reaching out ourselves or are waiting for initiative. Please become more initiating. Text your friends “Good Morning” and trusts that they will reply.
Late Summer Days
Although I started this newsletter complaining about summer fatigue, I did enjoy romanticizing my Late Summer in Barcelona and made a little video about it where I documented my daily life a little bit and watching it back, I did have fun. And you can watch it video here:
Looking back at it, my summer has been very wholesome although very slow and unexciting. As always, it’s the little things in life and what you decide to pay attention to.
Travel plans
Finally, finally, finally, I have travel plans again. I don’t know why it took me a year (!) to want to travel again AND making it happen but I finally booked little trips for October, November and December. And before I am even going on these trips I am so excited to go and visit new places and see friends that just looking forward to it (without building expectation!) has me smiling in anticipation. A big part of what has been holding me back on booking was to 1) spend money and 2) find the right time. But turns out it is worth the money and you can never know if it will be the right time. all I know, everything is better than not traveling for a year.
Thank you for reading this newsletter!
I hope you enjoyed it and continue to be apart of readers. I still cherish it a lot to hear from you about my newsletters and get private responses. It means the world. Until next time :)